Lost in Transition

I gave a presentation today to a group of professional colleagues interested in updating their knowledge of grief and loss in order to help their clients deal with loss more effectively. Most people still believe in Dr. Kubler-Ross’s research that proposed ‘five stages of grief’ as the way the dying and the bereaved adjust to loss. These stages included denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

Since her landmark study in the late 1960s, many thanatologists (who study dying, death and bereavement) have found that survivors react very differently to losses than those who are dying. They have to “go on” with life, living without their loved one, adapting to a world that is changed forever.

My own research found that the survivor’s view of the world can alter dramatically. Their assumptions about their mortality, time, priorities and values, and how they see themselves fitting into the world may be re-evaluated. During a painful yet necessary period of transition, which can take several years, survivors may have emotional “ups and downs,” engage in spiritual exploration, and evaluation of their beliefs and values. During this process, grievers may feel lost; however, as a mental health professional, I know that it is in this “transition” between the ending of one part of ther life and the beginning of a new phase, the hard work of grieving must occur.

I believe my colleagues had a richer understanding of the grieving process as well as the critical role they play in helping survivors through the essential transition that leads them to a new beginning with a full and meaningful post-loss life.

Are you lost in transition? Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to talk about it.