The Lifelong Impact Of A Loved One’s Death

Last weekend, I attended a wedding in Asheville, NC. It was for the daughter of my first cousin, Lenore, who has lived there for thirty years. It was a very happy wedding – aren’t they all? – but especially because it was also a reunion with Lenore after more than fifty years! Why hadn’t we seen each other before now?

When my father died, his older sister and brother were heartbroken. Each had to make a choice about staying in touch with his young widow and their two children, my brother and me. My Aunt B. chose to keep us in her family’s life, and she remained my primary connection to my father until her death at 93. My Uncle H. made a different choice. He was so devastated that the way he coped was to stop talking about his brother and put away all memories of him – including his two children. We never heard from him and his family again.

Aunt B’s son, Steve, my first cousin, has carried on this connection, and also continued his relationship with Uncle H’s family, including Lenore. Now that all of our parents have died, he is the family historian. He re-connected Lenore and me several years ago.

My story illustrates how losing a loved one becomes a lifelong loss. I lost not only my father, but also part of my family. Lenore also experienced the loss of part of her family. Although we grieved for the fifty years of time we didn’t share, we both felt grateful for reviving our connection. Our family is whole again.

Do you have a story of family loss that has affected your life forever?