Post- Holiday Blues

It’s been a brutal winter so far with snow dumps across the country, bitter cold, and harsh nor’easter winds blowing through us. Memories of better times are dominating many of our thoughts.

I saw a client yesterday who told me this was a “sad week” for her because it was her mother’s birthday, and mom had died six years ago. Although she was grieving her mom’s absence, she shared with me a tradition she had developed with some friends, who had also lost their moms, to remember “her day.”

“Mom loved ice cream and often indulged herself in both a milk shake and a hot fudge sundae, and tried different flavors. She was tiny so she could get away with these binges when she felt like it! So, after I leave here, I am picking up my 17-month old daughter and we are meeting our friends at Friendly’s and celebrate her birthday together.”

What a great way to remember a loved one! Think of some of their endearing habits, make it into an annual ritual, and share it with friends! As I have proposed in my book, The Five Ways We Grieve, the loss of a loved one is a lifelong experience. We never get over it, as people in our society think we should. After all, this person was a part of us, and we want to stay connected to them. Recalling unique aspects of your lives together never go away. Like computers, our minds file these memories away until we need to retrieve them – often on birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

So, what can we do when these recollections occur? As this woman suggested, you can celebrate their special habits, create a tradition for remembering, and share this tradition with others who can appreciate its significance. I call people who do this “memorialists.”

What can you remember about your loved one that you might develop an annual event about? Please let me know your experiences and ideas you’d like to share with others.

Stay warm. Susan