Widowers and Grief

A man I know who lost his wife several years ago told me how resentful he was when he heard the phrase: “women grieve, men replace.” In his late sixties, he had been married for more than forty years, and had what he reports as a wonderful relationship with his wife. They had four children, all of whom achieved happiness and success. When he retired, they had enjoyed traveling to Europe and around the country before she died of cancer two years ago. She left him bereft and terribly lonely. 

Other men I have known and written about in my book, The Five Ways We Grieve (Shambhala, 2009) have had similar reactions. Yes, some men do find a new partner quickly after losing their spouses. Some don’t. And, some find a new spouse or partner after a number of years.

My experience is that generalizing about any experience of loss is likely to be inaccurate. Every person grieves in their own way. What I am certain of is that when happily married people lose their beloved spouse, they experience a sense of loneliness that makes it extremely hard to go on alone.